One Last Breath

close your eyes....be calm...breath.....i can hear my fast beating heart in my chest ....voices around me...everything is dark. i can hear the echo of my breath. where am i? why do i feel alone....its dark and its cold..... is that you? i can see your face in a distance..? what am i doing here?! why do i feel like this..something is slipping away..but you don't answer.. i see you smiling at me...i see us laughing together and u holding my hand....

.i feel so cold....somethings wrong..

.i see your face again.and my baby girl the day she was born...oh how beautiful she was when they put her in my arms..her cute button nose..her holding my finger for dear life with hers...u smelled of rose petals little one so fresh like the morning air in spring..so innocent when u smiled at me for the 1st time i could feel no more joy than what i felt that day.oh how i miss u little Dililah why cant i hold you now!?where are you....i feel u next to me like it was yesterday u were lying on my chest to fall asleep...i miss you...

flashes of my past flood my mind the day i first met you... it was at a coffee shop i had lost my phone and so u offered to help me make a call..i knew from your warm smile u wanted to talk to me...it was a cold winters day i still remember what u were wearing a black leather jacket like a scene from 'top gun' and a woolen red scarf wrapped so cosily around your neck it brought out your ever so light brown eyes you were like a breath of fresh air.my panic just went away when u smiled at me... you tried to act tough and macho.. but i knew u were soft as cotton inside...u gave me life that day Hassan if u but knew....

we used to fight...but i could never be mad at you for long.. i just couldn't..u always knew what to say to make me mad and make me laugh at the same time...oh Hassan.. where are you...why do i feel like this?!

i can hear my self breathing again...this time deeper and deeper breath after breath....its silent...not a hum where am i?.....i cant open my eyes...it hurts....whats going on?!

its cold....i cant feel my feet...i can hear the sound of rain drops in a distance.i feel so trapped and helpless...this feels soo surreal is this really happening?!

wake up wake up?!....this must be a dream! i want to see my daughter wake up......dalilah....wake up....but nothing....silence.....

i can feel my self crying....tears trickling slowly down my cheek. it hurts.. i cant breath..it hurts.....somebody please, please help me..Allah please help me...where is my husband and my child...where am i why is it soo dark and lonely my lord let me go back ...plsss.....the voice of desperation listens to know one....i hear thunder in the back ground.

my memory is soo vague...i remember fighting with you...i got mad and stormed out...it was windy and it started raining...i got in to the car and slammed the door..i remember crying...and screaming and u following me to the car...telling me to get out.. i didn't listen i sped of the drive way...the rain got harder and so did my tears...i was clouded by emotion i didn't know where i was going. it was late...i just needed to breath. i was driving fast to get somewhere away from home. away from Hassan..but why? i loved him?! so much!?it seems so trivial now..i remember bright lights that were blinding coming towards me and my hands going up in defense and crash...a sound of rage.and metal collide.....for a few seconds then silence......

i can feel my breaths getting weaker....im in pain....its raining in the background.i can feel something around me...im in a pool of my blood..

i hear voices in the distance i hear my name...Surraiya.. Surraiya?! wake up Surraiya wake up?! it was like an echo in my head?!.... but it felt so real....hassan is that you?! i felt a hand touching mine....i hear my name again...i try to open my eyes i cant..hassan i can hear u i love you im sorry.....i hear him crying...hassan im here...dont cry....i can feel u holding my hand....i can hear u telling someone to get me out....and doo something....i was dying....i had got stuck under the car and i couldnt breath....my blood was slowly gushing out of me..and taking my life..

all i wanted to do was to take back that moment..to make things right between us...it means nothing now.i was soo angry at myself for letting this happen i want to put Dalilah to bed and kiss her good night...to hold u once more Hassan....oh Allah..send me back....please i beg of you send me back....

i hear Hassan sobbing...his tears falling on my face....

im sorry i hurt you.. i wish u knew what i was telling you...i love you Surraiya... Allah please....

i lost feeling in my legs..my face was numb...i knew then that my time had come...oh Allah i hope i have made u proud please take care of my Hassan and my Dalilah...u are the all mighty forgive me....my heart beat gets weaker...my breaths gets shallower i hear Hassan one last time saying he loves me in a distance...one last breath......and i was gone.....

to GIVE or not to give?

today i was stuck in traffic, jammed packed roads .the heat was unforgiving.. people honking at every god given minute three wheelers squeezing through all possible gaps. bikes passing by like pin balls in machines.. and in a distance as i honked away as well. i saw a poor man limping away his left foot looked diseased filariasis to be exact. "elephant feet disease" they call it he had no slippers ,his feet were cracked n his soles were white. he had a stick to his aid to help him walk. he had an old sarong and a shirt on buttoned down so one side was longer than the other...his glasses were like binoculars of sorts taped in the middle to hold them together. and of course his posture was that of a hunch back since he seemed to be in a begging position. with his hand held out. i always remember my anatomy professor telling me that "kings pronate. and beggars supinate!" meaning the same hand the king uses to usher the crowd as he enters is the same hand the beggar users to beg for sustenance but just in the reverse direction. strange isn't it.

so i got to thinking...this poor man hes walking around from car to car begging for money. so he can eat something? or feed his family? take a shot of toddy? pay his beggar master? he kept walking from car to car some turned there faces some just smiled some departed with some coins.boy what would go through my head if i had to go from car to car begging for money! i think it would drive me nuts!!! if i see an arrogant ass i would probably want to punch his lights out. well guess what im sure the beggar is thinking the same thing but he cant do anything about it coz he doesnt hold any cards! he has none. hes at the bottom of the feeding pit.

we've all watched slum doc millioner and come to terms with the fact that yes its a possibility that there can be a beggar world with beggar kings n beggar queens beggar thugs n beggar healers. and most times even beggar drug addicts. and we keep thinking to our selves why in the hell!!! should i give this sorry sod some money so he can go give it to his beggar manager?! "hey sir keep the change?!"! ha ha. well yes more often than not we would like to tell the beggars to find jobs! coz the man has 2 legs n 2 feet for gods sake. and yes some of them are just plane lazy or think they dont poses any skill.so they'd rather not work.but then again there are the honest beggars the REAL ones who actually are poor from there heart there desperate to feed there children there hungry for food. there sick n they need medication they need new cloths coz come on now thats soo last season old man!!! :) .there only hope for the next morning is that they could scrounge enough to get some rice if there lucky with some dhal, for that one meal a day to fill there already shriveled up stomachs.they beg coz they need to coz the world is made that way. there wouldn't be rich if there wasnt poor. there wouldn't be strength if there was no weakness. there wouldn't be day if there was no night.

so how can we tell the fake ones apart from the real ones?! the honest truth is that its hard more often than not to do so?! so to give or not to give?! that is the question!?

that is up to you?~ in ur own capacity in ur own means. give what u can give to whom u can n think deserves it. we have soo much. we eat soo much we waste soo much. n yet we want to keep soo much to ourselves.

so unforgiving is the world we live in. and so are we.....

we concentrate soo hard on why we shouldn't give something to some one or come up with 50 million excuses as to why we cant depart with that 10 rs in our wallets coz hey wait i gotta buy the papers in the morning. or i promised laila i would buy her a chocolate or i need to get the sole of my shoe repaired. well... wake up... there is a man walking outside ur door without shoes... yes he might look sleazy or even look like he hasn't taken a bath in a couple of years. but thats probably coz he cant. or he could have at some point in his life and things didn't pan out the way he wanted. so he decided to give up. let go and do nothing about him self.maybe he is disabled or blind. the point is that his desperation is the same as ours.we have different venting mechanisms but the same feeling of helplessness.some aren't as lucky as others.the world is a cynical place. scepticism has over taken our minds.

go out side. n stand on the road. watch people walking by. walking passed u some faster than others some with a worried look on there faces others without a care in the world, some grinning some frowning n some expressionless. every one has a story. things going on in there heads. problems to deal with things to face.the man who begs outside ur window he is as human as anyone of us. more human than anyone i would say. when some one begs he has come to a point where he has lost all humility and has self loathing lost all respect for himself that he has to depend on another to give him support some find it easy to do so. but for an honest man not soo much. just think about it. if u were poor tomorrow if your bank accounts were empty just like that..what would it take for u to beg some one u know for money?!who would u ask even??! terrible feeling ha?! sigh...may god protect us from that day...

god made rich to give the poor ,made strength to help the weak. made day to awaken the night.and made you to live this life...and ponder as u walk on by. as to what have i done with my life..how did i live it?! how could i make it better?!how could i save it...yes u can...

and while u wait u can give food to a mother cloths to a brother n old slippers to a man who has no other.... u will never loose when u give.....u will only gain in spirit and mind...good luck!

The Times Are Coming...

didn't you hear the end of times are near!!! can u hear the last trumpet blowing i can hear it in the distance its coming...war is breaking out in every nation... people are fighting there brothers for salvation...blood is shed like cutting meat . there are riots roaring on every street. loved ones lost.. children crying...mothers helpless seeing there sons dying...

cant u see whats going on...its time... its coming its the judgment song...the devils have planted there every seed from the time of the pharaoh its been at speed. slowly and steadily through out each generations the master Lusifer has fooled every nation hocusing man to think he is not gods creation. and fooled him to think he is the god of his own trade that there is no infinite being controlling his fate.there are demons lurking on every street waiting to misguide you and trip u on your own feet. the signs are becoming clear as time passes by one day like a year the kingdom had its shy .one day like a month the Americans unwind. one day like a weak the Isrealies will rise...the war of the worlds are just beginning. every brick has been placed for the coming of dajjal(the Anti Christ)to destroy our race.the brits had there time.the Americans out shined but now the dollars dropping coincidence? quite the contrary.time will pass by so quickly u wouldn't know where its gone...dont u think that's happening?! look at your watch look at the date?! how old are u already?!

people are loosing there moral ground . children are not children u cant hear the sound of laughter on the streets any more of kids playing in the sand or giggling on the floor. there stuck in the world of IT city when u enter it the world looks so pretty with games n guns n fluffy little dolls n shooting games and cloths at malls! the most important things in life it seems is to look hip and cool and to do so they will break any rule. teenagers are stuck in a rap video moment wanting to get picked up by usher in a covet. dressed to kill hoping to thrill the wrong man who would take advantage with a pill.. but its OK I'm an adult now! they'd say as they pee on a stick and see the plus sign. and then it'll prick im only 13 what do i do now?! hey juno did it... i know how!? .

destroy ur life with one bad turn is all it takes.. make your stomach churn to think there is no worth in u living.. then jump of a Cliff coz u think that's the only way to go. suicide rates are sky rocketing high. somethings wrong no one knows the reason why? teenage murders happening at schools.

children crying.parents being fools to think there children are all ok."not my kid" is the general rule. look again and be cautious these are your children the future of the next generation if there messed up there is no hope for salvation.

freak showers happening around the world, Australia's down under in water, Pakistan's flooded with grief. earthquakes in Indonesia, hale in Sri Lanka.the sea of Galile is drying up. the hole in the ozone is getting bigger and melting the polar caps. water levels rising rapidly.toxic fumes increasing.oil spills. suns radiation getting stronger causing cancers ,mutations diminishing of fossil fuels. plants are dying for no given reason animals are found dead. 10.000 cattle found dead in Vietnam. thousands of bird fall dead to the ground in Louisiana. fish and crabs found dead in mass number on the shores,. need i say more???

there is a hunger and a thirst that is coming soon one for sanity from this world of gloom. things maybe wrong but the world sees them right, then your morals will be compromised out of respite.loved ones will betray your trust. u will be fooled by your brother. a father will rape his child his baby will call her mother! when i hear all this i just want to scream!!!! and let the echo of my anguish reflect like a beam to my self to any one who stands close to me!!! we need to save ourselves as this world is heading on a one way ticket to misery.

I'm not trying to depress u or make u feel bad! whats the point of living you'd think if this makes u feel sad. its just a reality check to keep u in line.so you'd be ready when the troops of dajjal try to take over your mind! ha ha im crazy u might think. but look around u and see whats going on. some times we'd rather not know and continue living in our little bubble and play to our own little song.

BUT....where of a curtain generation and of a curtain race. of different tribes and nations and different tastes. there is one thing that connects us we are one and the same we share the same blood were human. be it a pauper on the street or a king of fame if u prick both there fingers it is blood that drips from there veins.we have the same flesh, blood and bones.no king has pearls flowing out of his veins nor a pauper has stones.this world will play its dirty game to make us think other wise don't be shamed. wars have killed millions over thousands of years. over countless, pointless reasons that will bring you to tears.pulling the trigger on someones head takes a second.. can you bring that man back from the dead.?

before u fight a man see the desperation in his eyes on his face in his posture in his gaze. he has fears just like you and i. Don't turn away from him give him a second chance. before the devil puts u in a trance where u loose your heart when killing someone is like shooting darts.

every time your in doubt go back to your roots.. say ur human. we connect each other. i will save who is next to me coz he is my brother. no matter his skin colour white black or yellow. no matter how much money he has he is just another fellow just like u and me he has wants and needs too. give a helping hand to help them through... what goes around comes around is not a mythical tale. if ur good to one an other. goodness will prevail.

this world is coming to a battle of good worses bad. before its to late choose ur side. its not a fad. its not as easy as u think. its a battle of the mind. fight the devil and put ur thoughts on rewind! renew what ur thinking and make sure u choose right. coz evil has a way of making things feel nice.

and never forget that u are not alone. there is a creator sitting on his throne watching over you. and the person that you are. his angles will protect you. doesn't matter where or how far. they say we have an angel and a devil by our sides every time we do good the angel gets stronger and the devil hue subsides. but every time we do bad. the devil keeps getting stronger. the angel becomes weak this is when we no not right from wrong. and time on earth seems longer.

believing in a higher being is not a sign of weakness... its a sign of being human and being vulnerable and the feeling of being wanted that we need some one to protect us. like a husband takes care of his wife and a mother takes care of her child.siblings take care of each other.cattle take care of there Young.so why should we by default not be taken care of by a higher being.were not meant to be alone. god created Adam and eve. not just Adam. there IS something greater than we know and greater than what we choose to see!

as this world is plummeting in a downward spiral the only thing keeping me sane is that this is not the end. that there is another side to this life we lead. one on this earth and another 6 feet under. but the question is??? will we make it to the light?! choose ur side wisely win the war inyour heart.love your brother dont fight with one another..kindness and giving will keep our hearts living. be it as small as a smile or as big as a tanker with rations for the poor from a banker.make time for your neighbour. help the man on the street who has nothing to eat. have a conversation with your workers be friendly but firm. so they can get your help and learn. knowledge is power.spread your god given talent and knowledge dont be selfish and keep it to your self. let another learn your trade and go up in his own game.a little competition never hurt anyone. it actually makes u pick up your act. and makes u be alert and be on track. dont hurt a soul on purpose and make your heart hard. after awhile it becomes a habit then ur mentally scared! have some compassion for those who are not as understanding as you'd like them to be. patience is a virtue it really is. true story.

but remember just because your good to the world u might not get it back in return.life might slap u in your face.but don't loose hope.its a greater purpose we must chase.all these things are easier said than done it might seem trivial to you. but this is what will help our race on the long run.this world is coming to an end... when the devil calls u show him the finger! n walk the other way.

this is a reminder just in case u forget...that the world has lived its life and its coming to a stand still of regret. of war and chaos and corruption and loss. of famine of disaster of starvation across the lands and seas it will reach all ends of the earth it sees no bounds of walls and gates and bank accounts of the richest of sheiks.pharmaceutical companies make viruses to kill millions so that people buy there cure to make billions.such insanity is the world we live in. inevitable as it seems.this is not a dream.The only escape is to think that there is a higher purpose to this life...or else what a rotten deal!!

so i shall fight this battle before me! with every breath i got......for the time is coming nearer and i fear it more often than not. that every thing is temporary.u leave everything behind your house, your money your Benz car, your honey. n when you die your perished and forgotten.sadness descends for but a minute the world keeps turning and moves on till the next cycle stars.

generation after generation our ancestors have left a legacy of humanity in different tribes cultures and nations. so where do u we fit in to this equation??? just keep living your life! but with an upgrade of thought. with a conscious with a mind set that cannot be bought, and the ability to have a change of heart.

yes the times are coming? are you ready?!are you willing?the flight to the next destination is arriving shortly we are but stuck in the terminal of life...so choose your fate??? plummet to the hell fire or take the ladder to the heavens gate...

Letting go...

Who we are and what we claim is sometimes just a dirty game to show our selves what we can face but loose sight of how to win the race!! The more we strive to win this world the more we fall in pits of dirt as selling our soul to the trend at hand will kill your heart and any mans! So think wisely as you tread on this path as lifes road can be dreary and dark if u choose so.

but a simple life u choose to lead can cure your heart of hate and greed.the richness that u choose to have is one of heart and not of bags of gold n silver made to please the man who begs this world on his knees.

I try my self from time to time..and wonder how sublime this feeling of hope i have inside of me? is it real? will it last? is it free???free from all the wants and needs and constraints of this world as it bleeds.

i fear not to think of the hand who helped me through this tide of sand of this life and all its wants!i wish i was free falling through the blue skies hitting white clouds as i pass them by the feeling of letting go and having no worries any more...knowing that gods hands will catch u when u fall is the greatest feeling of them all...so let go of this life that u tightly hold. give it a chance to be a wonder and surprise u and unfold.

The best things in life are ones u cant control.ones love cannot be bought for the genuine of souls.its a very human feeling that cannot be explained it cannot be bargained or stolen away.its an entity that's infinite in so many ways.buts its betrayal can cause the human pain which no

man or scientist can explain. u can see past all the fakeness and regret when u look straight in to a mans eyes he will never forget who u are where your from and what u will be.IF your meant to be his friend or foe is defined in a moment not a second more.

so hear i am falling through the skies...god please catch me before i die...

the soil or the rose....

some one wise once told me that a lover asked another 'if i could give u a rose or the soil it grew in' what would you choose?hmmm.... i think to my self..so what would i choose?..at first glance the rose looks soo mesmerizing soo pretty its petals are as red as the blood from a finger prick and as thick as the blood that flows though ur veins and its touch on the feel of ur skin is like that of the finest woven Velvet cloth. like a gentle kiss on warm soft lips...its fragrance fills up ur lungs with a feeling of freshness like u don't want to let go and it lingers a sense of sensualness that even the soul can feel. oh the rose...how beautiful you are....but with ur beauty comes a threat that the hasty human cannot see...the thorns.... to hold such beauty..getting hurt is inevitable....a prick of a thorn from the beauty that is born. the blood i shed will only make me dead.

the soil..so moist and warm from the rain..its droplets trickling down its grains under in to the earth with its richness heart .its minerals collecting heat from the ground like a bear cub feels the heat of its mother when its skin bound. its seen the world through every stage through darkness light and timeless rage. yet its faithfulness to creation will never seize.a seed is slowly natured in to a bud..a few years pass a shrub is formed a few yrs more a tree takes shape with branches that reaches to the high heavens..and it still holds firm and never lets go...

what is it that he was trying to tell me....

the rose is of this world temporary from every view..its beauty may seem timeless but like time it will catchup on you. it teaches us of the things we like of greed and lust one minute it mesmerizes you the next it turns to dust..as the the petals start falling one by one silently to the ground ud think u would notice but you were too busy living in your crown.with time the colour fades away like dawn turns to dusk. its beauty seems endless but don't be fooled like all of gods creations the end is a rule...a day will it last then wilt away till its left with its stem and the flower as its past...oh the thorns they still will prick..many yrs after the flower is dead the thorn still lives... brown and shriveled many a story it will tell about the foolish man who followed his will for worldly life he strives and strives for worldly gain but always fell short in his mind it was driving him insane...just like a man with his back turned to the sun he runs after his shadow trying to catch it but he will be out run. this is the pleasures of this world and the mask it wears... shows u of worldly delights that just make u stare. it is like a drug makes u feel all good inside one moment the next u feel like a slug.this type of man a smile on his face u will never see there will never be contentment in his heart a dark cloud will always be over thee.

gods trying to tell us something nothing of such beauty and wonder comes without a price. its like a warning sign 'do not touch'. do not get hurt and burned and fooled in to the temptations of this world which are so temporary and short lived. oh how easy it is to say but difficult to do.. but this is the fight of the soul that every man must choose.

the soil might not look so great but there is the hidden crest. its nourishment and timelessness will pass any given test. its moisture and softness will grow any tree or flower far and wide...it has no enemies and nothing does it hide ...except your body when u die...when your back with the earth were you belong..you will hear nothing not a hum not a song. silently in the ground your body will be left to lay till your one with the earth and at peace in your grave. these are the good things in life that one must strive and choose to take that is not worldly but simple u need it you will never loose...before anything you do in life there are many choices we have to make things we have to face and hearts we have to break...but when that time of choice comes take a step back and think would i take the rose or the soil make the right choice or ur heart will shrink to the point where you no not right from wrong and the rose will win and sing its worldly song...

simplistic in your ways i think is what i have to learn... before u take the rose think of its thorns..so stretch forth your hand to bear the soil where it as born...in the long run victory will be yours in this life and the heavens you will live in.....

The Oldest Elephant House Man In SRI LANKA

i went to fountain cafe after like 15 yrs gz! i was at the Egyptian embassy with dadio n elephant house was just around the corner so we thought we'd grab a bite!i remember the good old days as kids running in with my pony tails in my pink dress wanting fountain cafe iced coffee!!yumm!the old elephant house was closed! :( the guard was cracking up! coz its been closed forever! like'DUDE DIDNT U GET THE MEMO!" ofcoase it was in sinhalese!haha oh well! but its still open so we got detoured to keels union plc. n there was this old ariya looking man! who used to be there when i was just a little girln there he was standing there still after 15 yrshe was back there then .n still there up to this day.. n u know what my dad said he used to serve him when he was a student! damn son!i asked him how long he worked there n he said 40 yrs.. 40 frking yrs man! how time flies and how this simple man with such a simple plan of life has just remained untouched and the last of his kind!how time stood still like when i was just a little girl! so i decided to take a picture with him he seemed so happy so cute! :) oh ya n he was like 4 ft NO INCHS i look like gantisorus rex next to him!! lol i think he got scared when i put my hand on his shoulder hehehe poor old man! ! his name was Ariyasena i think lol fits the picture! well hope i will be as content as this man with life someday. alhamdullilah!!! yikes! ok exam tomorrow! latrz

Are ALL Guys DoUche BaGs!?

Are all guys seriously douche bags!!! or is it just some?!! coz the last time checked.. yes!! yes.. they all are....not honest?!cheat. and lie! kinda messed up... coming from a line of douche bag haters its pretty safe to say ur NOT SAFE watch ur back. at all times coz seriously any one can be out to hurt u. the person uv known for yrs and trusted or some douche uv been proposed to n u find out that that mother !@$#% is having an affair with a married women!! COME ON!!!! what the fraaaak does that even tell u?!i got a dad he seems like a nice man! a big brother nice guy big personality temper of an ogre! beware! and a younger brother whos a player douche gone good! lol...so every one is not perfect i guess...but the quality of men in this world has decreased to a 0.000995 scum % and thats BADDD dawwg. i mean come on. what are the chances of ur own sons being remotely good. i mean dont get me wrong there are the occasional FEW GOOD MEN. where the hell are they?the ones i know all died young or are dead already..so ya that sucks...ohhh life hope it gets better with better people to live with.. till then! IM OUT! peace!